“We absolutely weren’t doing anything suspicious,” claims extremely suspicious spokesperson
A dramatic scene unfolded at the headquarters of Mysterious Brews, Cyberly’s most enigmatic coffee empire, when an unexpected “routine IT consultation” by agents from the BYTE Detective Agency somehow resulted in flashing alarms, an upset crocodile, and some very pointed legal discussions.
MYSTERIOUS BREWS DEMANDS ANSWERS
Professor Marmalady, CEO of Mysterious Brews and a woman known for her perfectly styled flame hair, suspiciously impeccable business ethics, and a penchant for dramatically swirling her tea before drinking it, expressed outrage at the incident.
“I feel utterly betrayed. Our IT office was meant to be a place of quiet contemplation, dim lighting, and perfectly optimized Wi-Fi speeds. And yet, these so-called ‘professionals’ have turned it into a circus!” she lamented, clutching an ornate teacup with just a bit too much intensity.
Professor Marmalady described the BYTE agents as “skulking about in an alarmingly investigative manner” before setting off a high-tech anti-intruder device, which was, of course, completely standard office equipment and in no way suspicious.
She has vowed to take “all necessary actions” to ensure such an event never happens again, which sources believe may include even darker lighting and increasing the budget for crocodile snacks.
BYTE DETECTIVE AGENCY: “WE WERE JUST… OBSERVING”
Despite the dramatic response from Mysterious Brews, Lord Pixelington, leader of the BYTE Detective Agency and Cyberly’s foremost gentlemanly investigator, maintains that the agency was acting in the interest of public well-being.
“The BYTE Detective Agency operates with the utmost integrity, and I must say, the entirely unreasonable level of security we encountered last night raises several important questions. Why, for instance, does an IT office have an alarm system that doesn’t just alert the owner but also triggers a full-scale surveillance ? Surely, if one were simply worried about keeping their office secure, a password might suffice. But no … this system was designed to catch people sneaking in. Which begs the question… why would a legitimate business need to do that?”
According to Lord Pixelington, surveillance footage, transaction logs, and a detailed review of network activity had already suggested that Mysterious Brews was not what it seemed.
“One day, Cyberly was home to a fine selection of tea houses, each proudly serving its own unique blends. The next? Vanished. All of them. Gone. And in their place? One establishment. One highly secretive establishment, with an exclusive monopoly on our beloved national beverage!”
But what BYTE found inside the IT office only raised more questions.
“Now, it is not unusual for small businesses to use their office space for multiple purposes. I myself have been known to store an emergency teapot under my desk. But what we found inside Mysterious Brews’ IT office went beyond ‘multi-purpose.’ It was, to put it bluntly, an absolute pigsty.”
Lord Pixelington described the room as a cluttered mess of tangled cables, scattered papers, and miscellaneous objects of unclear importance, which on its own, was not particularly alarming.
“Mess? Understandable. I myself have a drawer filled with old receipts and half a biscuit. But when one rummages through said mess and happens to stumble across… oh, I don’t know… a hidden bomb… well, one starts to feel concerned.”
MAYOR DINA BRAVE JOINS THE SUSPICION
Mayor Dina Brave has echoed these concerns, calling the situation “a deeply troubling mystery of national importance.”
“I find it highly suspicious that all our independent tea suppliers suddenly were unable to function overnight, replaced by one singular entity. At first, we thought it was just bad luck … business is tough, after all. But when even the tea shops started going out of business? That’s when I knew something wasn’t right.”
She then added, with a dramatic sip from her own cup, “And don’t even get me started on the biscuits.”
Lord Pixelington nodded gravely.
“We needed answers, and we needed them without causing alarm. Had we gone in with official requests for information, there’s every chance they would have hidden their tracks. So we chose the path of discretion. What we did not expect was to find security measures designed to catch intruders, a workspace that suggested multiple secretive operations happening at once, and, most troubling of all, a device that strongly resembled an explosive mechanism tucked neatly out of sight.”
PROFESSOR MARMALADY RESPONDS
When pressed for a response, Professor Marmalady, waved away concerns.
“Oh please, you people are always so dramatic. An untidy office? How scandalous! Security cameras? Unheard of! And as for the so-called ‘hidden bomb,’ well… it is simply outrageous to suggest that I, a respectable businesswoman and lover of artisanal beverages, would keep such things lying around. Really, if there was anything… unusual in my office, I can assure you, it was for perfectly reasonable reasons that do not concern you.”
She then took an extremely slow, extremely deliberate sip of tea, holding eye contact with reporters just a bit too long.
WHAT HAPPENS NEXT?
While Professor Marmalady has dismissed concerns as “silly little overreactions,” BYTE Detective Agency is not so sure.
“There are forces at work here, my dear friends. Forces that do not wish for their secrets to be uncovered. But rest assured … BYTE Detective Agency will not rest until we understand exactly what’s caused the kettle issue. And if there is something untoward at play…”
Lord Pixelington took a measured sip from his teacup before finishing,
“Then I do believe it’s time… for a stir.”
One thing is for certain no matter what … Fluffy is watching
More on this story as it develops.
Leave a Reply